Access Magazine Issue 11 November 2013 edition, published 20th November 2013
This month Brad Francis discovers the perils of online dating disabled stylee and recalls his experiences of looking for love online…
Disability, an empty nest and worsening health conditions can play havoc with even the most solid of partnerships – so how do you keep the spark alive when you have various disabilities to contend with? Moreover, how might someone with
mobility issues navigate the complexities of online dating on the quest to find love, sex and that kindred spirit? And that’s before you factor in society’s perceptions of disabled people, and all the inherent issues and prejudices they can
expect to face when seeking that special someone…
With the internet playing an ever greater part in our social lives, and services such as Facebook helping us to keep in touch with our friends, it’s inevitable that many of us also use it to help run our love lives as well. Online dating is now one of the most popular ways to meet a new partner, and there are more than 1400 sites in the UK alone, catering for people from all walks of life and all sorts of interests.
These days, whether you’re mad about dogs, passionate about people in uniform or a connoisseur of fine wines, you’re sure to find someone out there who shares your interests.
The profile and the pitch
Disability can be isolating, which can in turn make the act of jumping feet first into the potential bear-pit of online dating a pretty daunting prospect. The first thing I considered when embarking on my own investigations was which site to use. Do I use a website that will seek to provide introductions with both disabled and non-disabled people? Shall I use a specific ‘disabled dating’ website, or try my luck on a more generic platform where it’s all about how many ‘LIKES’, ‘WINKS’ or ‘FRIENDS’ you can attract?
Well, being a bit of a cheeky charmer with a glint in my eye and a sense of adventure, I thought I’d make like the S Club 7 song and ‘Reach for the Stars’ by setting up a profile on a very popular, all-encompassing dating website. Now the adrenalin kicks in – how do I pitch my mobility issues to potential able-bodied suitors? What if I were to post a profile photograph of me in a wheelchair? Would that affect my chances of success?
Apparently most men lie about their height online. I don’t want to make a poor impression on a ‘first date’, so maybe I won’t mention my disability and the fact that I self-catheterise after suffering from two strokes in my late 20s. After all, I’m not looking for a quick fumble; I’m looking for someone to love me for who I am. You really have to think about all of the variables. However, honesty and integrity is paramount. I wanted my profile to paint a picture of my personality and my real zest for life.
Looking to the future I didn’t get a great deal of response, but I did meet my totally amazing and very beautiful, long-term partner
this way, who accepted my disability from the outset and is now also my principle carer.
It doesn’t really matter how young or old you are, and it certainly doesn’t matter how you view your disability. Create harmony, be intimate and look to the future. Always look to rekindle romance, and never settle into a romance-free routine.
As Ryan Gosling puts it in The Notebook, “So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day…”
